DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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