There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
