I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
