i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
