it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
