laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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