soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
