Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
