he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
