chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
