we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize