Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
