U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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