listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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