her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
