You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
