I wish you could order shots online.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
