how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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