I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
