goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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