ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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