Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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