he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize