Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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