Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
