there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
