i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
