JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
babies were throwing up all over the place
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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