she looked like the before picture.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
