you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
