He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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