Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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