I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
