I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
