i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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