They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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