trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
