All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
