a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize