honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
