I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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