Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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