sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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