Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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