She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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