a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
