my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
