i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
