I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
