Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
