your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
