i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
