Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
