it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
