Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
