Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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