I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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