After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
