both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
