careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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