I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
