At least make sure they are 18
Why
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
