apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
