It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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