I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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