I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
